My Story: Saved by the One Who Leaves the 99
Before I dive into the practical steps of recognizing and healing trauma, let me share a bit of my own journey. I’ve known both the tender call of the Holy Spirit and the despair of losing my way. My story begins at 13, when I had a powerful, life-changing encounter with the Holy Spirit. It wasn’t just a moment; it was a commission. I was gifted with prophetic insight, and by God’s grace, I started a children’s ministry in my youth. I was passionate, on fire for God, and deeply invested in serving His kingdom.
But life doesn’t always follow the straight paths we imagine for ourselves. As I got older, the allure of the world started to pull at me. By my early twenties, I had drifted away from the faith that had once been my foundation. The life of a touring musician seemed exciting, offering everything I thought I wanted—freedom, fame, and indulgence. I became consumed by the very things that promised escape but only delivered chains. Drugs, alcohol, casual relationships, and the pursuit of worldly success became my reality.
Yet, even in the chaos, God never stopped pursuing me.
I carried my own silent scars—ones I didn’t even recognize. My reckless lifestyle was my way of numbing pain and running from the unresolved wounds of my past. But the more I ran, the deeper my emptiness grew. Suicidal tendencies, depression, unrelenting anxiety was an every day challenge. I felt like the one lost sheep, so far gone that no one could find me, let alone save me.
But God saw me.
In my darkest moment, when I thought there was no way out, the Holy Spirit met me again. It wasn’t in a grand, dramatic event but in a still, small voice that pierced through my chaos. It was as if God Himself whispered, “You are mine. I have more for you than this.” Like the Good Shepherd who leaves the 99 to find the one, Jesus came after me. He didn’t wait for me to clean myself up or get my life together—He found me right there in my mess, in the pit I had dug for myself.
A Journey of Redemption
The transformation didn’t happen overnight. I had to confront the wounds I had buried, the lies I believed, and the sin that had entangled me. But as I surrendered each broken piece to God, He began to heal me—spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. He didn’t just save me from sin; He redeemed my pain and gave me a new purpose.
Today, by God’s grace, I am a pastor, living in awe of the God who saved me, restored me, and gave me a calling to help others find freedom and healing. The prophetic gifts I received in my youth were not lost; they’ve been renewed and sharpened through the fire of experience and the mercy of God. I’m still that kid who was called to serve, but now I carry the wisdom of someone who knows what it means to fall and be restored.
One day, as I was reflecting on the journey God had brought me through, the Holy Spirit inspired me to write this book. My heart broke for those who, like me, feel trapped by the weight of their past or the wounds they can’t seem to heal. This is my testimony, but it’s also a reminder to you: God’s healing is for everyone. No matter how far you’ve strayed, no matter how deep your wounds, He is ready to meet you where you are.
God’s Love for You
As we explore the impact of trauma and the steps toward healing, know this: God’s love for you is relentless. Just as He left the 99 to rescue me, He’s pursuing you too. He doesn’t just want to save you; He wants to make you whole, to heal the broken places in your heart, and to show you the depth of His love and grace.
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Let's dive in.​
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Recognizing Your Trauma
1. What is Trauma?
Trauma can come in many forms. It’s important to understand that trauma isn’t just the result of life-altering events like abuse, accidents, or death. While these major events certainly cause deep pain, trauma can also stem from smaller, seemingly insignificant occurrences that build up over time. Some examples of trauma:
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• Childhood abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)
• Neglect or abandonment
• Bullying or exclusion
• Loss of a parent or loved one
• Divorce or broken family relationships
• Severe illness or injury
• Living through violence or war
• Rejection or betrayal by someone trusted
• Financial hardship or poverty
While the traumatic events themselves are often beyond our control, the way these events affect us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually is where we find our responsibility. Recognizing how trauma has shaped our hearts and minds is crucial to understanding why we think, feel, and react in certain ways.
2. The Impact of Trauma on Your Life
If you’ve ever felt stuck, as though you can’t move forward in life, it might be because of unresolved trauma. Trauma affects not just our emotions, but the way we perceive the world. Trauma can distort our thoughts, shape our beliefs, and cause us to react in ways that are inconsistent with God’s truth. Some of the common signs of unresolved trauma include:
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• Anxiety and fear: Trauma can create an ongoing sense of worry or dread. You may constantly feel unsafe or anticipate the worst outcomes in every situation.
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• Depression and hopelessness: You may feel numb, isolated, or believe that nothing will ever get better. These feelings are often a response to the emotional pain that trauma leaves behind.
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• Anger and irritability: If you’ve experienced trauma, you may find yourself easily triggered by situations that remind you of your pain. Your anger may seem disproportionate or uncontrollable.
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• Distrust or difficulty in relationships: Trust issues are common for those who have experienced trauma, especially if it involved betrayal or abandonment. This can lead to isolation or difficulty connecting with others.
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• Self-doubt and shame: Trauma can convince you that something is wrong with you or that you are unworthy of love or happiness. It often leads to an internalized sense of guilt or shame.
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• Avoidance and numbing behavior: If certain situations or memories trigger emotional pain, you may avoid those situations altogether. You might turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse, overeating, or excessive work to numb the pain.
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• Flashbacks or intrusive memories: Trauma often leads to recurring memories or flashbacks of events, making it feel as though the event is happening all over again. This can affect your ability to focus or function normally.
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• Spiritual Struggles: You may find yourself questioning your faith, feeling distant from God, or doubting His goodness. This is common in individuals who have experienced loss, abuse, or betrayal.
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3. Acknowledging the Root of Your Trauma
One of the most important steps in recognizing your trauma is to identify root causes. Often, trauma hides beneath layers of emotion, defense mechanisms, or even years of self-deception. To recognize your trauma, it’s important to ask yourself these difficult questions:
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• When did I first begin to feel this way? Reflecting on your emotional patterns can help you pinpoint when trauma first started affecting you. It could be in childhood or a particular event that shifted the way you view yourself or the world.
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• What are the recurring triggers in my life? Think about situations that make you feel anxious, angry, or sad. These triggers are often signs of unresolved trauma and provide insight into its origins.
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• How do I respond when I feel hurt, rejected, or threatened? If you tend to shut down, react with anger, or withdraw from others, it could be because of past trauma. Understanding your reactions will help you identify unresolved wounds.
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• What lies have I believed because of my trauma? Often, trauma convinces us to believe lies about ourselves, God, or the world. Maybe you believe you’re unlovable, unworthy, or incapable of change. These lies are rooted in the trauma you experienced.
It’s also important to remember that trauma is not just about the event itself but how you interpreted it. The way you internalized the event—your beliefs about it and your feelings toward it—shapes the trauma’s impact. For example, a child who experiences abuse may internalize it as, “I am unworthy of love” or “I am bad.” These beliefs, carried into adulthood, can deeply affect relationships and self-worth.
4. The Power of Acknowledgment
Acknowledging your trauma is not the same as staying stuck in it. It’s the beginning of the healing process. It’s the moment you stop pretending that everything is fine when it’s not. When you acknowledge the hurt, pain, and brokenness within you, you open yourself to the healing power of God. God cannot heal what we refuse to acknowledge.
In Psalm 34:18, it says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” God is not afraid of your trauma, nor does He dismiss it. He sees you in your pain and is ready to walk with you through the healing process.
Acknowledging trauma means allowing God to enter those painful places. You don’t need to hide them from Him. Jesus came to heal the brokenhearted, to set the captives free, and to bind up our wounds. Isaiah 61:1 proclaims that He came “to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.” He is your healer, and He is ready to heal the deep places of your heart.
5. Steps Toward Healing and Wholeness
Once you recognize the trauma, the next step is healing. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but with intentionality, prayer, and surrender, you can begin to walk in freedom. Here are some steps toward healing:
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1. Pray for God to reveal and heal your wounds. Ask God to show you the places where you’ve been hurt and to bring light into those dark areas.
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2. Seek professional counseling or therapy. There is no shame in seeking help. Therapists and counselors can help you unpack trauma and provide coping strategies. God often uses people to bring healing.
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3. Surround yourself with a support system. Share your pain with trusted friends, mentors, or a support group. Isolation can prolong healing, but community can accelerate it.
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4. Renew your mind with Scripture. God’s Word has the power to transform your thinking. As you meditate on His truth, you begin to replace the lies you’ve believed with the truth of who you are in Christ.
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5. Forgive yourself and others. Forgiveness is a powerful tool in the healing process. It doesn’t mean excusing wrong behavior, but releasing the hold that bitterness and resentment have on your life.
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6. Embrace the journey. Healing takes time. There may be setbacks, but trust that God is faithful and will see you through to complete restoration.
Conclusion: Moving Forward in Freedom
Recognizing your trauma is the first step toward healing. But remember, God does not leave you in your pain. He is near to the brokenhearted, and He has a plan to restore every part of you. You do not have to carry the weight of your past any longer.
As you move forward in this journey of healing, keep your eyes on Jesus, who is the ultimate Healer. He came to heal the broken, to bind up the wounds, and to bring freedom where there was once captivity. Embrace His love, and allow His healing to transform every area of your life.
Prayer:
"Heavenly Father, ​I come before You today acknowledging the pain, the hurts, and the trauma that I’ve carried for so long. I ask You to reveal the places in my heart that still need healing. Help me to face the wounds I’ve hidden away, and allow Your love to pour into broken areas. I surrender my past to You and trust that You will heal me completely. In Jesus name I pray, ​Amen."